


Burned

by gemsofformenos



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Desperation, Fluff and Angst, Self-Harm, inspired by a song, scared soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 23:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19344979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemsofformenos/pseuds/gemsofformenos
Summary: Azula held her hand over the flame of a candle, until the pain became unbearable. Her soul has taken too many hits during the last weeks, but she would fight this pain. She would always fight this pain.





	Burned

**Author's Note:**

> A sad little One-Shot, which came to my mind, this day.  
> Highly inspired by Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt".

The candle before her burns strong and steady.

Azula took her hand above the soothing flame and started to bring her palm nearer to the shining little light. She could feel the heat increasing, as she brought her hand closer to it. The former pleasant warmth turned to a biting and stinging tickle, but she ignored it and pushed her palm down, until the flame got in touch with the skin. The heat was started to became unbearable, but she kept her hand in place, ignoring the fact, that her teeth were pressed in her lips to hold back a tortured scream of pain. She could taste her own blood and felt the tears floating her eyes, but she forced herself to keep her hand on the tiny flame, feeling the heat burning deep within the flesh of her hand. Eventually she couldn’t take it anymore, but she forced herself to a slow retreat.

Azula was breathing heavily and tears of pain escaped her eyes, as she observed her own palm. The flame has caused a deep burning on it, she could smell her own burned flesh and the burning and pulsing pain was so intense, that she almost thought her whole arm was on fire. She focused on this pain and struggled a little with herself to control her breath, until she blew out the candle. She looked back at her burned hand and lighted up a blue flame on it.

It felt right to see her flame and to feel the pain. Both fit together, in her opinion. Azula could see, the burning mark, her decision had left, not like the many other hidden scars within her.

Not like the many other hidden scars, she had left on other people during her life.

She closed her hand to a fist, feeling her fingernails pressing into the fresh wound, which finally elicited her a hissing, but she kept the fingers pressed in, as she left her room in the palace. The pain was familiar and soothing in a strange way. It was able to push away the permanent pain within her for some time. It would dull all the hurt and all the aching scars and wounds on her soul for some time, but it wouldn’t kill them.

Nothing would ever kill them.

As flawless she was on the outside as scared Azula felt on the inside. She was used to live with these aching and oozing wounds, but lately she had taken more hits, than usual. She wandered through the dark corridors of the palace, passing the private rooms of her father. She swallowed a lump, remembering how disappointed he had been about Zuko’s betrayal. He hadn’t lost a word, but she had seen it in his eyes, that he blamed her for this mess. Only Zuko’s head on a silver tablet might ease his disappointment.

Azula had failed him in this case, twice. She had failed to boil him alive on the Boiling Rock, as Mai and TyLee have crushed her plans. She suppressed a sob, as she felt her nails digging deeper in her burned flesh. It covered the painful betrayal of her friends for a moment and kept her mind in place. She had also failed to beat him, as she had found him in the temple. 

When has she started to become so careless and weak? Azula was breathing against the pulsing pain in her hand, as she entered the dark throne room. She had seen this fire in Zuko’s eyes. He would come to her, he would challenge her. She wouldn’t fail, again. He had changed, in her opinion. Something about him had been different, but she couldn’t place a finger on it. Zuzu was always chasing new dragons, but she had a destiny and she wouldn’t let him come in her way. She was still on her old track.

Azula took place on the empty throne and lighted the fire before it. The blue flames painted the room in spooky colors. She smiled a little and adjusted her crown piece, feeling the pikes stinging in her burned hand. One day, she would rule over this Nation, her Nation. She would let them all pay for all the pain and the misery, they have caused to her. One day, she would make her father really proud. One day, she would make up her faults and mistakes and all the trouble and misery, she had caused in his eyes. She felt her burned hand pressed against the chair and she couldn’t suppress some tears rolling down her cheeks, because the pain was simply too much, but she maintained her painful grip on the chair.

They had all left her. Zuzu, Mai, TyLee… her mother. Only her father was at her side, now. Tomorrow, he would start towards the Earthkingdom in order to burn it to ashes. He was the last one at her side. He has always been at her side. Tomorrow, she would join her father, to fight at his side. Azula had trained all her life for this day. She had given up everything for this day. She had learned to handle the hidden scars and all the pain for this day. Azula had accepted it as necessary.

All the pain.

All the fears.

All the isolation.

All the loneliness.

It would all pay off, tomorrow.

She would need nothing more.

Her cheeks were wet and her eyes red, while she observed the blue fire burning in the throne room. She would put things right. If Agni would granted her one wish, than, she would put everything right, with a snip of her fingers.

Then she would have a big sleepover party with Mai and TyLee, even with the pink pajamas, the acrobat would love, to celebrate their victory.

She would tease Zuzu, until he would turn red in madness, only to give Azula an excuse to cuddle with him. He could never be mad with his little sister, because he loves her so much, like she would love him.

She would have received a long hug from her father and a proud smile and a kiss, every day, just because he would be happy to have her as his daughter, like she had seen in other families.

And she would have the love of her mother, too. She wouldn’t see her as a monster. She would love her and would defend her, too, like she had done with Zuko and she wouldn’t have to fear the wrath of her father, when she tried to be nice to her.

Azula buried her face in her hands to muffle her sobs. She felt her salty tears burning in the fresh wound. If Agni would give her such a chance, then she would find a way. She would put the things right.


End file.
